I work too much and I'm missing Evelyn terribly. I always say it will get better and eventually things will slow down. I'm beginning to think there is no end in site. I will always have to work a lot and I will always be missing the ones that are dearest to me.
I've always been closest to my brother Elliot, I remember crying as he left for bootcamp. This was oh, maybe 20 years ago. He has always been there for me and I love him dearly. He is a police officer and always been tough, of course I know his more gentle side but he fits the part. Last friday I was still asleep when my phone rang, it was about 0720. My brother Elliot was on the other end of the line, he asked if I was working. (I work nights in an ICU). Me being half asleep I say no, I have Evelyn. He says, oh okay I'll call you later. So we hang up and as I'm thinking thats weird that he called this early the phone rings again, its Elliot again. He asks what are the symptoms of a heart attack? At this point I'm wide awake. I ask him why do you think you're having one? He says he's not sure and proceeds to tell me his symptoms. Nothing definitive just generalized left elbow/arm aches and back pain yesterday. He's recently started working out so I wasn't too concerned and thought it might just be musculoskeletal pain. But knowing the alternative I tell him its WORTH it to go get checked out. I give him some instructions and he tells me his gf is already on the way to pick him up, he says they are going to my hospital which is about 5 minutes from where I live. I tell him to keep me updated but don't expect to hear much more from him. At about 0800 his gf calls me and says they did an EKG and it shows he's having a heart attack. FUCK. Evey is watching Dora and when I tell her lets go she starts to whine. I knelt down and in my most serious calm voice said Uncle Elliot is sick and mommy needs to go help him get your shoes on NOW. She didn't question me and went and got her shoes on. I was so proud of her! I threw her in the car and called her dad telling him I was on the way to drop her off. I made it to the hospital in record time. My brother actually knew one of the ER techs from work whom I had gone to school with and he took care of him. I knew the day shift crew in the ER and knew they were awesome nurses and I knew he was in good hands. The cardiologist walked in who I also am familiar with, I was very pleased to see he was on call. He was a little skeptical at first and said we needed lab work to confirm a heart attack. Its understandable, my brother had NO medical history. He says we'll probably admit you overnight and schedule a stress test for tomorrow. He walks out and the primary doctor who I am also familiar with walks in and is assessing my brother. The nurse walks in and shows him a piece of paper and says this is his troponin, lab verified it twice. In the back of my mind I'm panicking and thinking this isn't good. He tells her to start a Heparin drip and call the cardiologist back. I'm trying to keep my calm as I don't want to panick my brother. I ask the Dr. what his troponin was and he says 2.7 holy fuck my 38 year old brother is having a full blown heart attack. Normal troponin levels are less than 0.01 and his was 2.7 they order a stat 2D echo which gives a better picture of heart function. His EF was 35% which is about half of what his heart should be pumping. They rush him to cath lab and we wait. We wait and wait and wait. Turns out there was no blockage, he had a stress induced heart attack. I was scheduled to work that night. I wait to make sure he is all settled into his room and then head home to nap. I sleep two hours and then head back to the hospital. I work my shift which was probably a bad idea, my head wasn't there. I worked three nights and that monday he was discharged. Things were going well till the next time I was at work three days later he calls and asks if I'm working. He says he doesn't feel right and is coming back to the hospital. Long story short nothing was wrong with his heart this time and his EF was back to normal! The second hospital stay Carlos was in town. It was so wonderful to have his support through this stressful time. I have been a wreck worrying about my brother. Seeing him in a hospital bed having a heart attack really scared the shit out of me. I was panicked, its totally different when its your own family member. He is doing better, we are making him rest which he is hating. I've tried to be there but not be too overbearing as I know that in itself can be stressful enough. I would be crushed if I lost him as would his two children. I hope this is a wake up call to make some life changes. I love my brother dearly and hope everything continues to go smoothly. As a side note, I was extremely pleased with all the staff at the hospital! Everyone was amazing!
Now I'm not really sure what it was about... but I had told Evelyn no. I'm standing in the kitchen and proceeds to give me a guilt trip! She says mamma, look at this sad face! and dramatically points to her face... It took everything I had not to laugh! She's such a cutie!
I love my iPhone. Just downloaded macjournal app so now I can blog from my iPhone! Woohoo.
The other day I let shit slip out with Evey present.... her response, "mamma, we don't say shit!" ugh. Not my finest moment as a mom, I need to watch what I say! She's been so rambunctious lately! All I want to do is love and cuddle her but most times I am swiftly met with a stiff arm and a mischievious laugh! I hope my baby isn't growing out of her loving I wanna be with mommy stage :-(
Amy (+Kaitlyn) and I at the baby shower
